Monday, August 31, 2009
Contemplating a new week from 3am
The week woke me up. It's Monday Morning at 3, and the week came knocking at my unconscious brain - so here I am. I seem to have a lot jammed into the schedule this week. Some things are merely errands like going to the bank, filling the 'fridge, getting cat food, having the oil changed in the van - or chores like laundry, vacuuming and mowing. There is the mind-numbing route of taxi-driving that eats up the hours but seems only to fill the time with boredom and lack of accomplishment. Then there are the dozen or so tasks that I feel qualified to complete - but that take focus or talent, or some special know-how. I have to finish a small piece of an outfit on a sewing machine, I have to clean, repair and lubricate the lawn sweeper, I have to write a test that will assess a basic knowledge of critical reading skills and vocabulary, I have to pack for a weekend away at a Pow wow. But on top of that are the seemingly small, things that must be in place by a certain time or place that I must do that I have little idea how to accomplish. Those are the juggling balls that are most likely to bounce along the floor and make me give chase. The ones that make me feel stupid, incompetent in advance. Completely daunted. These little jokers might fall into place in 5 minutes, or might be major hurtles - you just never know. If I were a wage slave, I'd have a boss and a routine or some such 'job' with the paycheck to let me know that what I did was worthwhile and how well. But I don't. I am both COO and scullery slave, and sometimes it keeps me awake. I'm going to make a grocery list now. Sweet dreams to all you sleepers. ~M.E.